Next Man Up, Poetry in Motion

Announcer 0:00
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Wesley Knight 0:04
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Donavan LeDean 0:15
Here we go. Here we go. Move it. Move it. Move it.

Donavan LeDean 0:20
Yeah, beautiful,

Donavan LeDean 0:24
next man up, damn let's

Donavan LeDean 0:41
go Hello and welcome to the show. I am your host. Donna Billy Dean, actor, author and inspirational rhythmic poet, you're now tuned in to the next panel, poetry motion, where the mission is promote good mental health for everyone. This poetry show will motivate, educate and inspire you with spoken word, through cultural expression. We have a special guest today, Akemi, a deadweiler, who is here to discuss the significance of writing and mental health. She is Indiana native, now currently residing in Las Vegas, Nevada. She is a renowned author, memorist, essayist, TEDx speaker, and holds an MFA for Randolph College. Akamia, thank you for being here. Thank you for having me so happy to be here, so mental health writing, it's the first time I've ever heard of that type of writing. Was when I seen a promo of your flyer. What inspired you to dedicate yourself to mental health writing as

Acamea Deadwiler 1:35
part of my experience, I write about a number of things that involve my personal experience. You know, the way I was brought up, my development and the things that have shaped me into who I am, which all of us have, those experiences that have shaped us into who we are in some way, even as as we get older and decide, hey, I want to be different, and you kind of reinvent yourself, and you learn and you grow, it's still figuring out how you got to the person you are today, so that you can work to become someone else so and like you said, you don't often read about mental health in writing. You know, some there may be a situation where it's it's referenced or it's hinted at, but I really wanted to explore the topic because it was such a critical component of my upbringing, as one of my core memories is experiencing a mental health crisis happening within my family as a child, and I wanted to be able to tell that story with the grace and the love that that my loved ones deserve and that I deserve. I wanted to be able to tell that story because it is such a huge part of my overall story. And so in order to do that, I needed to figure out how I could tell that story while also, like I said, preserving whomever I'm speaking of, and showing grace to myself, and that's what made me want to look more into it and really explore that time and that in my life and those memories.

Donavan LeDean 2:50
I applaud you. Thank you. Thank you. Most definitely, considering when I went into the workshop, I felt reinvented. You know, I felt like a new man being able to reveal something to strangers that was held within for so long, forever, and so regarding the workshop, the structure, some of the things that you had covered emphasized, I'm just paraphrasing, balance when telling The story, iterate the facts, but don't get too absorbed or caught up. Make sure the facts represent something significant, solid, and resist avoiding judgment. Don't be too judgmental. Don't be too far to the left where you're too negative. And as far as structure and idea of mental health, writing is it meant to dedicate more to the writer, the reader, or both?

Acamea Deadwiler 3:45
It depends on what type of writing you're doing. If you're journaling, it's all for you. No one's going to read it. It's more so to get the thoughts out of your head and onto the page so that they don't negatively impact you or weigh you down. If you're writing for readers. If you're writing for an audience, then it's a little of both, but you always want to keep the reader in mind when you are writing for an audience. So some of those tips refer to writing in general. You always want to try and resist judgment. That's not your job. Your job as the storyteller there is to tell the story, and you allow the reader to make any, you know, assumptions, yeah, judgment calls on their end, but you don't want to tell them what to think. You give them the story. But I think it's especially important in mental health writing, or when you're writing about a mental health crisis or episode, because a big problem surrounding it, why we don't talk about it as much is the stigma. And part of that stigma comes from, you know, our feeling that it needs to be kept a secret, and all these labels that we give to people who experience mental health episodes. And so I think it's especially important in that type of writing to not judge because we don't know what that person was experiencing that caused that experience, or that caused that mental break, and it is just important to show grace as. As it is with any other health concern, mental health is the same way show grace and understand that is not always someone's fault that this happened, you know, but yeah, and part of unraveling the stigma is taking away that judgment in those

Donavan LeDean 5:13
labels. Okay, as a writer, stay positive in order for the reader to have a chance to heal Correct?

Acamea Deadwiler 5:23
I wouldn't say stay positive because you want to tell the truth. You know, not every experience is positive. There are some negative experiences. It's just in the way that you tell the negative you talk about the negative experiences, the way that you tell the story, that's where showing grace comes in, and resisting judgment and resisting labels and all of these things that give it a negative connotation. So the experience itself may be negative, but you can tell it in a way that shows the character's grace and leaves room for the story to flourish on its own.

Donavan LeDean 5:52
As I mentioned before, when I was in a workshop, I felt relief, and a weight was lifted off my shoulders as I was telling my story, and after I read my story, I can tell that the people in the room, these strangers who may not look like me or think like me, have a different perspective or outlook on Life, they came together because the story seemed to be relatable and something similar to let to theirs with everything that's going on in society. What impact do you believe mental health writing can have if it becomes more accessible to people, such as a mental health writing workshop? Or is it

Acamea Deadwiler 6:40
accessible? No, it's exactly what you just said. You shared your story in a room full of strangers, and it brought the entire room together with everyone who shared. And so it helps remove that stigma. And I think when we remove that stigma, we can work our way through these issues. In part, in sharing our stories is the way that we do that. It's the way that we remind one another that we are not alone in any struggle, like there's someone who's experienced it, there's someone who can relate to it, and just knowing that you're not alone can go a long way to healing. So I think, just like you said, just sharing your story brings us together and serves as that important reminder,

Donavan LeDean 7:16
Okay, before we let you go, I would like for you to share an example of your story versions that covers the topic of mental health, something that we had covered in mental health writing workshop.

Acamea Deadwiler 7:29
Yeah. Well, as I said, the biggest part is there's a situation and there's the story. The situation is the facts. It's what happened. And that's where we can get into trouble with assigning labels if we don't add meaning to what we're sharing, and then that comes across in in the story and the readers and to the readers, and that's how we reduce people to their mental health struggles, rather than creating, you know, full characters, and it's important to do that. So one example, if I were to say she was paranoid, she thought people were watching us through the windows. She thought the food was poisoned so she didn't feed us. She thought the floor was poisoned so we couldn't walk on it. Those are facts. That is the situation. But what is the story? And this is the story version that reflects those same facts. I remember too much, but also forgot a lot. I forgot how my mother and I were before our love was interrupted by tragedy. I forgot she'd always taken care of us, until one day she didn't, and even on that day, convinced our floor was contaminated to the point of untouchable, she lowered to her hands and knees and crawled with us on her back. She touched the poisoned wood so her children wouldn't have to. That's an excerpt from my memoir, Daddy's little stranger. And as you see, I went from just stating, This is what happened, this is what x, y, z, this person did. It frames an entire story where even in that state of psychosis, even in that challenge she was experiencing, she was loving us, she was mothering us the best way she knew how, with the tools that she had. And that really helped me tell that story in a way that didn't disparage someone that I truly care about and still put her in a positive light. Because it was a mental health crisis. It wasn't, you know, this, this terrible thing that that she'd done. It was, you know, it was a health

Donavan LeDean 9:06
issue. Indeed, I came here is the author of the publicly acclaimed memoir, Daddy's little stranger and her 2019 book entitled single. That's acamia. Thank you for your time. Thank you for having me. Thanks for tuning in to next minute. Poetry in motion. I am your host, Donovan Lee day. To see my inspirational and poetry reels, you can go to YouTube at Donna Billy day. Also, you can find my poetry books, children's books and coloring books on Amazon under my name, Donovan Lee day for actor or poets bookings. You can contact me via email, DV media, one zero@gmail.com Special thanks to my guest came here deadweiler or stopping by to talk about the significance of mental health. Writing I am Donna Billy, Dave, actor, author and inspirational, rhythmic poets, until next time. Peace Day.

Speaker 4 10:01
Breaks nervous heart. I'm trying to find a way, trying to come and say, couldn't do it now, breaking down. You

Donavan LeDean 10:27
go in with a fresh mind and a pure heart. Mistakes were made. Go in with a fresh start. The emphasis is today. The uncertainty is tomorrow. I live another day. That's success. Time is borrowed. Carnage is on a regular another family and say grief. Mics were cut off still the Tennessee three were able to speak from the crying girl and dying boy slain by soft styles too many bullets to avoid. Pray for as they attempt to fight for a law made for all as they attempt to prevent another body to fall history. The mic and yet, in the midst of infamy, they're setting aside politics for human safety, making enemies. Your vote. Can the void that will continue Your vote can avoid that? Maybe it pull ain't what it gots to be unprecedented as we witness the headlines of an indictment, as the rich make more money on merch posing as victims, inciting another riots never quiet. The problem is allowed. More foreigners are crowding US borders, like refugees after Roe v Wade reversed, more women are escaping red states, like refugees, more protest industries like help us please and dine need of open minds and clear views so that one day witnessing universal health care making headlines on CNN news,

Donavan LeDean 11:37
exhale, PRAY, WAIT for it. Peace never came. Now beware our man force bound to take the Republic. God bless us as we fight for peace on earth, as mankind kills one another to gain more turf, for drugs, for crops, for money, for crap. Urgent message, human to human, heart to heart, change your route for a fresh start. You let's get to it.

Donavan LeDean 12:09
Here we go. Here we go. Next man up, black love,

Speaker 5 12:13
the kind of love that starts off by a key because we're terrified, terrified of showing our soul, laying down masks, having our triggers exposed. What kind of father did I have? So how do I see black men? What kind of mother did you have? So how do you see black women? Black love is on the siege. It's being attacked, and sometimes it implodes from the inside out, because instead of holding each other up, we tear each other down. But what if? What if there was another way, a scarier one, but one that almost guarantees success, one that demands that we see each other, look right into our soul and breathe, cry, scream. But then what follows is peace, a love so strong it runs through generations and cultures, between Africans, African Americans and Caribbeans, between men and women that we're told they should hate each other. What happens on the other side of the conversation? It doesn't deny the truth. It doesn't deny the betrayal. It acknowledges it sits and stands in it, but then lets it go, moves on to a better tomorrow, starting with a possible today, black love, the kind of love they said we could never have, brothers and sisters, not from another mother, but from the same father, the one above black love, the one that builds communities, Black Wall Streets like the ones we saw burned down, true love, like a man and a woman holding hands through trauma, healing together, walking the path that's narrow so that our children have a broader path, reinvented love, the one that doesn't follow rules, but follows values and standards, uplifts women and honors them, sees the Queen and treats her like one, so she can hold up her king, let him come home to a safe space where she can Hold his soul, cover his heart and be the one to protect him. For once, do you believe in black love, the one that teaches our children how to love their hair, their foreheads and their noses, how to love their skin unapologetically, how to sing our songs and dance our dances and hold our traditions, at least the ones that serve us, the ones that remind us where we're from, the continent that holds the imprints of our identity. I believe in black love. So I'm waiting, waiting for my king to find me, to recognize his queen amidst all the other women that claim they desire him. But I'm the only one who truly sees me that's my kind of love, black love.

Unknown Speaker 15:12
Black love.

Donavan LeDean 15:14
Next man, don't tell

Speaker 6 15:15
at 14, a friend heard me read love poetry about a heart and need. You see, at the time, his heart was at a loss to breathe, because in his mind was the right thought to proceed, but stealing my lines and then offering them off to she wait, he told me go suicide to my heart and need she's alive because you're a poem. Pop relief. So all right, all right, all right, because once upon a time, I was a lost body. These teenage veins ran trains of painful speech, until my 12th grade English teacher taught me how to tame the beast. She gave me a pen and pad with a task after class, and said, Here's your chain and leash. Go release those highs and lows and in betweens, and then you'll see all your pain put at ease. So alright, alright, alright, because my right fist represents the cut wrist and hand slit of over 1,000,001 slaves forced off hardships, their privilege to write and read was stripped. So I write and read everything for everyone missed because without them, I wouldn't exist. So I write. I write all right, because I'm from East Oakland, the bay. Hey, bruh, where the murder rate stays at a constant pace. Bruh, that's someone killed nearly every other day. Bruh, bam, my birthplaces are hurt, aches, painted walls, crafting a madness though all we gather in sadness to believe they did everything differently, when, in fact, it didn't change, bro. So, all right, all right, all right, because the

Speaker 7 17:12
moment of release I received from completing a written piece is similar to taking a dump.

Speaker 6 17:19
Ooh, after it's been about a week, boo, not like a sense of relief in the beliefs that 9% of the globe goes to sleep with nothing to eat. No relief when firefighters, teachers, doctors, police earn less than entertainers and athletes, no relief when more blacks and browns and jails than excelling in college. No relief when the wealth is health while the ignorant and just

Speaker 8 17:52
fake knowledge. So, all right, all right, all

Speaker 6 17:57
right, because I, I, don't know how to write. Write when what's left becomes right, then death strikes, and I'm left to write about the loss of life. Yet if I didn't write, I'd have lost my life to suicide. So who am I to choose sides and cross lines and do or die? Why do I recite lines like an Albert Camus type, the meaning of life is whatever reason you have that's a kill yourself. Do I write for self as a cry for help? Do I write tasty trash for Master shells? Do I write for relief from the beast deeply held? Do I write for the kid who doesn't fit in with no one else? So I write. I write. Why write? Why write?

Donavan LeDean 18:47
Next man up,

Speaker 9 18:50
co existing in many realms of thought. A Walk in prayer, meditation. I can't evade frequencies. I can't explain speak to me in wisdom name I've been on that resonance before they coined it. Schumann's Babylon can't control me. I broke out the show like I was Truman, the human programmed analytics can't measure the spirit, thus they can't fully study us. At this point, it's apparent, know thyself, mental, physical and etheric lyrics, tap into your central node, to the soul. You can feel it. Sit in the sun, download codes. I can hear them. There's a natural mystic flowing on Mother Nature's by a rhythm. Get on beat. Connect with every single living organism like ancestors before these evil ways of the system walking the less traveled road I and I have seen many visions, many nights, sitting still, yet still, I listen. Guidance enters the vessel with pure precision, a choice to make daily. Why do we wrestle the right decisions tussling with a. Tests illusions, carrying us away from the way we already know what's best. Come back home, beloved. You no longer have to beat an eagle's chest. Perch inside like an eagle in its nest. Followers Cliff dive into the next trend since the you always been taking heed to the riddles of elders were testing. Now I'm years ahead with good investments. Just bump my head a little less than nonetheless, an imperfect perfection, a walk in prayer, avid meditator rounds a dark between each I'm a mediator, a metaphor of sorts, seeing obstacles as sport I must master Slow and steady wins the race. I learned that in the beginning chapters of a book without middle or end, life goes on again and again. I write on and on with my mind as my ink and my soul as my pen.

Donavan LeDean 21:08
Here we go. Here we go. Next man up

Speaker 10 21:11
in the absence of the sun, I dream of hope, but my eyes tell stories of a wounded heart. Throughout my trials and tribulations, I have sought a better way to understand myself, to wrap my mind around this life and make it mine. I am in search of serenity, gentle touch, but these karmic entanglements keep me chasing the darkness that lives within combat comes with the price tag, and I must give in to complete the mission. In the end, I win again, because nothing can hold me down. I am here with reason and purpose to encapsulate and translate the multi dimensional arrays of the human experience the light will shine through me guide my way back home.

Donavan LeDean 22:07
Next man up.

Speaker 11 22:09
Motive on positive, mindset on pro long soul is on elevate. Sadness is so long as to say long gone, hope it won't come back where I'm headed now I need a backpack. Path is uncertainty, but faith is so high. Without a parachute, but beyond Earth, sky into the wilderness, onward and beyond. I hope you remember me because I'm so gone.

Speaker 12 22:35
This poem is titled wounded bird. I've been wounded. I've been cured, I've been healed, I've been hurt, I've been blessed, I've been cursed, I've been better, I've been worse. Life's a balance with verbs, putting my trust in the universe, even when the odds are against me, I still come up first. Let go of my ego and left it all to Mother Earth. I always had my faith. I didn't need a church. Even at my lowest, I knew eventually it would be my turn, not the most patient, but I'm always putting in the work. I always got pure intentions and keep my word. I sought help when my anxiety and grief collided, my trauma and pride, tried fighting this growth journey is like deep diving, uncovering new depths to my soul. Sometimes it feels tiring. Soul seeking is not for the faint of heart. It's facing your pain head on. I've never been a victim, been both Aladdin and Jafar. This journey has left me with scars. Without my art, I wouldn't have made it this far. Learn to protect my energy, because I got a big heart. Let others deplete me in the past. Now I'm in charge. Now I keep myself on guard, stay sharp, lay me up and more in tune with the signs. The other day, I looked into an injured bird's eyes. Could see its fear and resilience. It wasn't ready to die. Realize how many times I didn't give up the fight. Reminded me of how many times I've fallen, but took it as a lesson, how many times I've been betrayed. But it was a blessing. Mother Nature telling me great things are ahead, even though life's a challenge, this is my rebirth. We're about to witness the ascension of a savage

Donavan LeDean 23:59
Here we go. Here we go. X, man up

Speaker 13 24:04
black man's jungle, walking down a Boulevard of Broken Dreams like a young Kanye troop bursting at the seams thinking of the flower I picked and the history of the history that lives inside of the history of the roots of a god's mystery hearing sounds of the birds with broken wings attempting to fly further south at a distance, instead of flying inside of the global warming machine, trapped in a beautiful, dark, twisted fantasy, wondering why I wasn't a college dropout because I was late registering for a part time job that I didn't even hope would pan out tires on the asphalt, people arguing about nothing because he refused to take his mask off, afraid, afraid. He was so darn afraid that they didn't see inside his soul, though, that soul glows like Bruce Lee boy. He was a B boy with new toys, and he wasn't even trying to be that core paintings on the walls of the Spanish. Doors looking down on the poor has become the second middle class. Is true, stuck in the cycle, hoping to change the chain, but the factory manufacturer says it's out of stock as the man obsesses over his broken locks, hoping to get his next fix, his next fifth or is gonna snatch your chain these days, in a jungle of predators. These predators will predicate turning the regulars irregular while trying to meditate over the span of a life which boils down to the heartbeat, which is initiated by the mind to keep the heart beating, sounds on top of sounds, seconds on top of seconds, analyzing this world, this black man's jungle. Gotta survive, gotta keep going, gotta keep pushing and gotta keep moving. Maybe one day I'll make some more money, some more chatter, maybe I'll just survive in this black man's jungle.

Speaker 11 25:57
Next man up the parachute release. I returned to the land below for something new to give, but nothing new to see. It feels swell to return sturdy land in two feet, but it doesn't feel fine. What is wrong with me? I guess I'd rather spend time up high with the clouds in the sky than among the rest of us, where I'm from, which I came, where I went, where I've been, how it feels like better off? Is it wrong? If it is, prepare the ship. I'm going back.

Unknown Speaker 26:30
I'm going back.

Donavan LeDean 26:32
Next. Man, oh. Dave

Speaker 14 26:34
Palin, drone, one at sea. Can I achieve hope all by myself when I'm far off, almost lost in causing waves, in causing waves, almost lost when I'm far off all by myself. Can I achieve hope?

Donavan LeDean 27:04
Power. Next man up, I call this love.

Speaker 15 27:12
O, what if I bore you the essence of my soul? What if I laid bare the steps that make me whole? What if I told you this piece was already inspired but scattered, signs and silence left love deprived, avoid so deep even poets came to love. If I presented you with tear stain sheets and fraction dreams, puzzles of My Spirit with ripped seams, would you find the time to reconstruct the parts of love or abandon them despite the cost? See, I know my spirit speaks in cryptic tones. My Love can't thrive in simplicity when it is carved in stones. I am a being who finds solace in complexity, structuring stanzas of conflict with this mic next to me, where rhyme rhythms and vulnerabilities dance while emotions echo in a timeless trance and light reflects these letters written in the sand. This pennevon is more than mere ink it is the conductor of sacred spells, healing wounds in translation, bridging gaps of understanding and revitalizing the clock stopped in conversation. But what if I surrender to the beacon of suppression, muzzled by the posed expression? What if I gave up so much of my power that it made my pen win? What if I allows your diminished lexicon to read through each layer of these songs I speak, and if your shallowness triumphs the core of my expression, I would feel my essence bathe into a writer's depression as these sacred symbols sank like the petals of a rose, heartbreaks tied would slowly consume the greatest love story ever known. See, I I'm a love poet. My deepest verses stem from the shackles of love bond sculpting soliloquies only for them to be restrained by the ghost that I live in my subconscious mind. I write from flames that burn without a spark, lighting passions and crowds culminated by fears in the dark, from fires that rage with no kindling to ignite, forging verses from the voices of angels of the night, this double edge cleaves the flames to watch creativity burn. But oh how easily a broken heart can make this trajectory turn. If the lights of this stage were bright enough to expose my scars, would you still applaud my pain and coward at the weight of my wars if I revealed the true torment of this money, would you marvel at my imagery as crowds adore providing ovation to my symmetry, blind to demons at my core? Would you still find my verses as relentless as before with the reality that this love is fueled by fear? Silence your praises forever. I bear the weight of my soul through this pit we're feeling the raw truth of a love poet, sin love. My ace is no title. It's an old that only the deepest of pain can inspire. Oh.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai